The dreaded TAMPO – How to deal with it effectively


Tampo. Magtampo in full. If you are in an Australian Filipina relationship, you soon learn the meaning of tampo. This is the great sulk. Being in a huff. It’s a source of confusion and misery to many an unprepared Australian man.


tampo aka magtampo, which is the Filipina great sulk. It's a poor way to deal with real problems, but common amongst Filipina ladies in the Philippines



What is a tampo?

I detest the Filipina tampo. I really do. Fortunately after many years of being a great husband and teaching-by-example my Filipina wife the benefit of free and open communication it rarely rears its ugly head these days, although I did just have to deal with a bad outburst from one of our extended family over the last few days so it’s not ancient history to me. I also live in the Philippines fulltime, so it’s never that far away.

So what exactly is a tampo, to the uninitiated?

It’s a way of NOT dealing with a problem, and of ensuring whatever the problem is? That it will never go away! It’s the human-interaction version of sweeping dirt under the carpet. The dirt remains, and the lump in the carpet gets larger and people trip over it.

It’s not the Filipino way to deal with problems and issues directly. It’s not usual for someone to react to something they don’t like, and less likely they will speak up and say “Hey, I don’t like that! Please stop doing it! It makes me feel bad, so please stop!” This is in fact the negative side to those perpetual Filipina smiles. Yes, definitely, Filipinos are generally happy and easy-going and pretty tolerant of imperfections and faults in others. However they are also human beings, and no one is that happy all the time. Please read my previous article on “onion skin” (being thin-skinned), which is a Filipino characteristic.

And fellahs? Be aware of that certain special time of the month where skins are extra-thin and tempers may be on-edge because of hormones. Often a time to be especially careful not to push boundaries and to watch your tongue.

So what happens is the pressure of un-fixed problems builds up, and it leads to an explosion. However it’s not a practical explosion. If it was an explosion of “Hey! You keep making fun of me in front of the neighbours, and it hurts my feelings. I want you to stop!” then it might even help! It might make that person see what they’re doing, and maybe things will get better. But that’s not how a tampo works. It’s never so practical and helpful.

Tampo is characterized by appallingly bad communication. The Filipina having the tampo does some or all of these things:

  • Won’t talk
  • Definitely won’t tell you what the problem is, as you should already know. May utter a few unhelpful phrases.
  • Resists all attempts to fix the problem
  • Will appear perfectly normal to others if answering the phone or greeting someone at the door, but will soon return to tampo when dealing with you
  • May run off somewhere, possibly for several days
  • Bang cupboard doors and slam things around
  • May do a great deal of cleaning, or may retreat to bedroom, sometimes for days

This will remain until she gets over it. May apologise, or may not. Definitely will not discuss it, and attempts to say “Let’s talk about it” may trigger a recurrence.


How to deal with a tampo

How do you deal with a tampo when it happens?

To be honest? Not a whole lot you can do when she’s in mid-tampo. At this point all logic is switched off, and if you push too hard you will probably make it worse.

She may storm off in the middle of the night and put herself in danger. Dragging suitcases down the road and attempting to walk to the airport to fly back to the Philippines at 2:00am in the middle of winter? These things have happened! You may also end up both saying things that become hard to take back later. Think carefully before you attempt a proactive intervention at this point!

Most of the time, you will need to weather the storm and try not to make it worse! Not saying to ignore it. Just saying to delay until a more effective time.


Should you do malambing?

Malambing…..or lambing…..basically means “sucking up”. Being extraordinarily sweet and attentive. This is the usual advice given, and many a Filipina expects this.

My belief? NEVER do this! NEVER “suck up”, and NEVER apologise for something you don’t even understand. This is just reinforcing and in fact rewarding some very negative and destructive behavior. Tampo is not the behavior of an adult who is committed to her marriage. It’s spoilt-child behavior, and shouldn’t be tolerated let alone rewarded. And unless you did something where you really should have known better about, (ie. unless you cheated on her or acted like a complete pig) then you deserved for this to have been handled in a mature way…..not this way!

So yes, thinking about it, if she’s having tampo because you did something bad, then sure. Do all the malambing you can. And more importantly, apologise sincerely and try not to do it again. But not because you failed your mind-reading class at school!


But otherwise, what should you actually do?

  • You should talk about this when she’s calmed down and a few days have passed.
  • You should let her know that you are sorry she felt that way, but confirm that you had no idea that anything that you or anybody did was causing her hurt. And that had she simply explained it to you when it happened the first or the second time, you would have stopped it or done what was in your power to stop it.
  • And help her to understand that while that may have been her way before, that this is no way for a committed married couple to behave. Either the tampos stop, or the marriage is basically doomed. They are cruel, hurtful and very destructive.
  • You should encourage her to tell you what she thinks and feels about things on a daily basis. If she say “No, really I’m fine” then you should push a bit harder. Let her know that you want to know because you care about her. Let her see that telling you is actually easy, and that it leads to positive outcomes, ie. that nice feeling that comes from realizing someone actually gets you, plus seeing some problems and concerns actually get fixed.
  • Make sure you do the same thing. Tell her your feelings too. The good AND the bad.


Make the time to talk at the end of the day, and develop some positive habits. And hopefully problems will get nipped in the bud rather than building up and being a source of misery. And work hard to make this a thing of the past, or you may well see the love slip away.




Jeff is registered migration agent who has been helping couples with visas to Australia ... Jeff is the owner / operator of Down Under Visa. If you would like to SUBSCRIBE, please click HERE.

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41 comments on “The dreaded TAMPO – How to deal with it effectively
  1. Rodney says:

    My ex Japanese wife was the champion of this and eventually I was getting used to up to 3 weeks of silent treatment with all the bells and whistles of the Philippine tampo. So maybe its more of a regional behaviour rather than being exclusive to the Philippines.This was in large a destructive part of my previous marriage. Eventually I lost all emotional attachment after being treated like such a pariah and in the end I was just as good at silent treatment as she was (I found that any attempted communication only belittled myself i.e. lost face in her eye). Im glad I discovered this article as Im in a fresh relationship with a Filipino and now I have insight of what may be a repeat of the past for me, and now I know it’s not unique to one person.

  2. Nieves says:

    So glad i read this article. I am an expert of this “tampo” issue. When i miss my husband i suddenly get angry and i dig issues from the past ‘unintentionally’ which becomes a big misunderstanding. I learned new things upon reading this article. Glad my husband sent this blog to me. He made me realize how important it is to be open and vocal to the things i dont like and not to be too ‘paimportante’ even if there’s no issues to be thrown at all. Thank you Jeff for this article. God Bless You.

  3. max says:

    So that’s what is going on.
    My Filipino brother in law seems prone to the odd tampo too.
    Its not just for the ladies is it?

  4. S Skarz says:

    Don’t accept tampo. It’s passive aggression
    Take her across your lap and spank her. Fixes tampo Guaranteed

    • Jeff Harvie says:

      Don’t accept tampo, yes I agree. But treating your wife as a child, no. These ladies do have a great deal of dignity. Rob them of it, and watch them drift away from you.

  5. Ted says:

    My wife is temperamentally very stable for a filipina and has, in general, always been so. I have never been subjected to the appalling behaviour exhibited in some of the Filipina marriages of our friends. Therefore the following two points might possibly have limited application. They are just correlations I have personally noticed over thirty-seven years.

    Firstly, a valid undeclared cause may well exist, but is mentally transferred onto completely unrelated matters. For example, a hurtful conversation with a relation on Skype might occur. Three days later there will be fierce, highly charged outbursts and a minor sulk about the way I hang the washing on the clothesline, play the piano at the wrong time of day and wear trousers which are grubby. Dense as I am, it took me many years to realise that these latter reasons are just as false to her as to me. The real reason, possibly quite understandable if only she had told me, was a phone call which I didn’t know about while struggling to understand why dirty trousers could possibly be so important.

    Secondly, language, what we say and how we say it, is very important, at times more important than what we actually do. This truth, again, took me thirty years to realise. This is a very hard one to solve completely. Never being able to say what you think is, of course, ridiculous in a marriage, but learning the art of how and when to say it, and when to keep quiet altogether, took me a long time, and I still make mistakes. The trouble is that the strict logical meaning of what we say is not always the level of inference received by the Filipina. It’s a difficult one, and I can well imagine it might underpin some of the terrible sulks I have witnessed with other couples.

    • Neil says:

      Hi Ted. I know this is an old thread, but iv’e just read your comment as it has become relevant as from yesterday, and i’m trying to find answers to what has happened in my relationship with my beautiful Filipina. “Tampo” has destroyed any hope for a loving, Caring and Fruitful relationship with my Filipina….I am devistated. I just cannot cope with the extreme mood swings, the cold house, the emotional abuse and the guilt of not knowing what i’ve done that troubles her. “Tampo” along with Jealousy seems to be a default reaction to the lack of self esteem bought on by a very competitive nature that Filipinas have ingrained within their upbringing, and seems to me that they Project their insecurities on the person they love the most. I’m completely devistated that i’ve had stop our relationship cold. I have my own Mental health and life to consider. In Western Culture such behavior would be considered Bi Polar or Paranoid Schizophrenia. It would seem that this behavior is the norm within the Filipina culture, but it has very destructive results amongst the western men who fall for a Filipina..Cheers Neil..

      • David E says:

        I feel for you Neil. I met the woman of my dreams four years ago in Mindanao. The first year was like heaven but then I started to gradually see changes while we were apart (me in the US and she in the homeland). I ignored her getting mad and thought maybe it was due to pressures in her neighborhood. I brought her to the US in January 2021 and we got married. the last eight months has been a roller coaster ride to the point now where every two weeks or so I have to deal with her bad behavior. While writing this comment I’m knee deep in an issue with her. I can see myself rapidly getting to the point where I loose all interest in her. And I thought she was my dream come true.

        • Neil Maher says:

          Thanks David for your kind words.It’s been 7 long months without contact from my ex TAMPO queen. I’ve since met a Filipina who has zero, i mean zero Tampo…Yes you read right Zero Tampo. lol. Everything is on the table for discussion and i love her for it. It is so easy to talk about everything and anything. All i can suggest is you think about her behavior in reverse. If it’s you who was bringing such negativity and chaos to her mind then we as males get called out abusive monsters, narcissists, and control freaks. If we displayed such extreme behavior then we are called the bad guy. I got to point of constantly second guessing everything. This one time we were sitting in a restaurant having dinner and she asked me if could swap seats? I said ok sure what’s the problem? She said i’m feeling a little cold sitting here. I said oh ok for sure, no problem. 5 minutes later TAMPO struck. And i’m ahh what’s the matter?….She says i saw you looking at the women over my shoulder and i’m thinking WTF. I then i asked her if she deliberately asked me to change seats so you could trap me? She made a big scene and we left without eating..This type of thing happened everytime we were together and wore me down very quickly. When i met the new Filipina i asked very directly, do you have Tampo? And she responded that Tampo is a cruel and manipulative stradegy that Filipinas use because of Crab Mentality. Another term i’d never heard of, but now understand completely. So keep searching Dave the good ones out there. Just be direct, honest and upfront before you commit again and she will get that you won’t accept tampo before you even meet each other.. Cheers Neil

  6. Vim says:

    This is a really good article! ☺
    Just few points, although it may not be necessarily true for everyone– apologizing for something you don’t know won’t work to appease the “tampo”. That’s not what most Filipino want when they’re ” nagtatampo”. It’s not just simply sulking to get something. It’s an indirect way of expressing disappointment. As Filipino culture gives importance to other person’s emotions, the indirect behavior may actually means she is hurt but cannot be harsh or say things in the manner that may actually hurt your feelings too, that is–direct remarks. That makes the act affectionate in nature, and is exclusively done only to those you’d expect to care enough and address your “tampo”.You don’t do it to random peole. It sound very ironic, but you may read ” pakikipagkapwa” in Sikolohiyang Pilipino (Philippine psychology). It tries to provide context to the seemingly negative behaviors from Filipino’s very own perspective and cultural values. It might help you to understand your wife better, and other Filipinos toi since you already live in the PH.

    Although it may be negative from your point of view, tampo is part of the upbring that your wife had, and it’s not easy to change given that it’s a cultural thing. Contrary to what you said that you don’t “lambing” her while she’s in a “tampo” state, you actually did 🙂 Lambing is not necessarily suckig up and making amends to things you haven’t done. That’s too shallow. Talking to her and letting her know that you actually understand and that you’d want to communicate is a form of “lambing” too. That’s when she’ll start pouring out her disappointments and feeling bad for making it hard for you too. It’s actually an opportunity for the couple to be emotionally vulnerable with each other, though it may come out differently for you, which is perfectly normal.
    Of course, there are some Filipino who would go excessive on this and that’s why we have what we call “balat sibuyas” (onion skin) which has negative meaning on it. The tampo then has to be reasonable.

    It’s not really easy to change, but as you are a married couple, and you perceive this behavior as negative, I guess it’s a good thing you are communicating what you think is best for your relationship 🙂

    All the best!

    • Jeff Harvie says:

      Please read the latest article about Mind Reading. There are better ways to communicate, and many Filipinos (my wife included) are glad they took a new approach and learned to simply express themselves rather than having tampo. Much easier all round!

    • Neil says:

      As an Australian Male, we have a very casual approach to simple problems. I have found that just doesn’t sit well with a Filipina. Any problem is a big problem. So “TAMPO” rules the relationship, until yesterday. Enough is Enough….I’m Crushed, I love her like i have never loved anyone…But! common sense and self preservation must prevail..Cheers Neil

  7. John Smith says:

    Base on this article I read. I am married with a Filipina she is very lovely and carrying wife with our 4 children.

    We have ups and down. I admit I have mistakes I drink everyday after work. I say a lot of word to her when she started asking me that i am drinking again I say an awful and digusting word and we started to argue. It makes her upset and stay away with me then I get very mad and i dont understand. She walk out and took our children to the park to avoid the arguement and confrontations which is a good idea of what she did. I truly understand it is not easy for my wife to live in a different country especially with me as an alcoholic and being controllable and dominant to her just because i can do. Now i understand.

    She is smart girl I adore her very talented. I realised when I went to counselling to help my drinking issue at first I don’t agree that its my fault or mistake and I found out that I am wrong and I truly understand now.

    Till now we are been married for 10 years and very strong couple.

    I controlled my drinking habits and changed my life style focus to my family and giving a good quality of time to them.

    I am very thankful to her being with me and understanding me till I realised my mistakes.

    There always a two side of the story.

    My opinion to the person who experience this called Tampo try to ask yourself “What is wrong with me” and get help. Do don’t play that you are the victim because both of you are the victim and nobody can give advise to you only yourself to find out and adjust and make it work. Stop talking to others about your relationship it might gives you a wrong advise and end up with break up or divorce.

    There is a saying Pride can give you everything but not happy.

    I don’t think you labelling or categorizing so called Tampo is only for Filipinos I difinatey disagree it’s happen everywhere.

    Even though you married multiple times if the problem is you then it’s gonna be tampo. A matured decent woman will stay away and avoid dramatic situation and take thier self into a safe environment.

    I still loved a decent Filipina they are sincere loving and talented not into hooker sorry.

  8. Omar Ockba says:

    so thats what it is huh, i dated a filipina and to be honest she was my first date and it didnt last long either after about 25 days i think she was doing this, not replying to my text for 2 days or so and after that she dumped gotta say i felt pretty shit and i still wondered what i did but now that i read this article i understand, its kind of a cruel act to be honest

    • Neil says:

      Filipinas are the most extreme Women on our Planet.The most loving and the most cruel.. One day life is peachy the next day life is Hell on Earth. And if you ask why the Tampo?…You have failed a very simple/complicated test. If you want your heart broken and shat out of your backside, ask a Filipina what’s wrong? If you want a conversation about what troubles you my dear? Don’t ask a Filipina. Oh unless you like three weeks of silence over the way you cooked her dinner while she was on Tik Tok..Then go for it…LOL

  9. Frank Hall says:

    This is a very helpful article, Jeff. I suffer the tampo about every 3 months, and the silent treatment lasts an average of 2 weeks. Your list of symptoms is very reassuring, causing me to chuckle with familiarity. I often become quite hopeless in tampo periods. In fact, I’m 1 week into one right now where she has threatened divorce or separation. She sleeps in another bedroom. It all hurts deeply, especially when based upon her typically bad analysis of my motive in the trigger offense. No doubt this is an avalanche from built-up perceived or real offenses. Thanks again for helping me to see that I’m in good company as tampo behavior takes big risks against love’s resilience. It’s irrationality is too easily seen as insanity. Now I see that it’s a cultural issue that I will deal with for as long as she lets me.

    • Jera Dames says:

      Frank, how did it turn out? I’m about a few days into now. Her pride is a big part of it too. Interested to know your status now that’s it’s been 7 months.

  10. MrBaliw says:

    I been together now with a Filipina for couple of years, most thing i hate is tje Tampo and worst is that it come out from no where.

    It is indeed a very childish thing to do, i mean we are adults and that is the time you talk about it in a decent way.

    Just for a stupid example, i hadn’t the time to reply on her messages because i was working non-stop.

    Everytime she is in tampo what happens a lot than she shut down every Social media she have and don’t even pick up the calls when i call from my country number to her.

    It’s killing me so hard! I feel so bad in the heart and mind.

    But yeah she can talk long conversations with her friends, she post pictures and have bunch of comments to replying on… Is like she shut me down and everything is normal to her.

    I’m really tired of this… I wish i could have more mature talks with her, but when i bring something up to talk about even just about future plans, it’s all Blah blah for her.

    Yes I’m aware I’m in a toxic relationship.

    But this article is for real true, but need to say i know also girls of Philippines aren’t like tjis at all.

    Would i say it’s a General thing, no but it’s very common and yes it’s a typical filipino habit.

    • Neil says:

      I feel for you mate. Same here..As from yesterday i ended my relationship with my stunningly beautiful Filipina…I’m absolutely devistated…”TAMPO” destroyed any hope for our future.I talk about our future plans..BLAH. I ask her what she would like for Dinner? Her left eyebrow drops? WTF.I ask what would like to do this weekend my dear? she picks up her phone and shows me a Tik Tok video of some idiot dancing like dickhead. And yet if i send her a text to tell her how much i love her, She responds with a message that i didn’t tell her how much i love her or NO!!! your not being real and true, you are lying to me…Who is the other Woman? and do you tell her that you love her just before you tell me? Or i get no response at all “TAMPO”… She is one continuous HEAD F$&CK and i’m done with this irrational, Paranoid, Bi Polar Bullshit. My best advice to you my friend…Run, Run fast and don’t look back..

  11. Shayne stevenson says:

    Well just about everything mentioned above I have experienced with my Filipino wife. The best way I have found to deal with it is just ignore it, I sometimes actually enjoy the quiet time, however it can be frustrating. It’s like walking on egg shells. It can occur over the most minor thing. Adding to my problem is I have an 11 year old daughter from another marriage who I have 50 per cent custody of which it effects. What usually triggers her tampo is to do with my daughter when she is staying with us. My wife can be very controlling and expects my daughter to act like an adult. My daughter tries her best to please my wife but seems never good enough for my wife. Then if I intervene like I did this week I get blamed for defending my daughter. This then triggers the tampo, she starts with verbal abuse, name calling etc which then leads to the tampo where she won’t acknowledge my daughter or me. Very confusing for my daughter and not healthy for her. My daughter is so uncomfortable being at my place when my wife gets like this. And it has got that way that my daughter is uncomfortable coming to my place Somewhat unclear what to do as I also have a two year old daughter with my wife making it difficult to ask my wife to leave. Very messy situation

  12. rani says:

    how to get the inspiration like that?

  13. Clarence says:

    My Filipina Wife is in tampo mode with me as I write this. I love my Wife extremely but we have a very difficult time discussing financial decisions. My Wife has made numerous very poor decisions regarding finances, she does not understand the saving for retirement mentality and spends worrying about how to pay debt later. She blames me unfairly and then goes into tampo. I am glad to have found this article because it helps me some what understand her better but I must say its no fun at all. When I mention we need to get counseling she gets even madder. We been married 12 years happily but I honestly don’t know if I can take anymore of this, it is so one sided and it does nothing to help solve or encourage to meet half way on the issue. She makes it impossible to resolve anything, I don’t like living like that.

    • TOBY HART says:

      Finances are a creator of conflict in my experience. Talking practically about what is needed seems to be an area of avoidance, and, wasteful expenditure is not considered to be that.

    • Jim M says:

      You have not been happily married.

      You do not need counseling. Trust me, most counsellors are on HER side. It is a waste of money and will only serve to make your wife feel even more entitled to behave like a child.

      You have allowed her to dominate you financially and probably in all other aspects of life.

      Do you EVER tell her ‘no’ and stick to it?

      These were HUGE errors. You need to realize that the damage from these errors may not be repairable. I doubt you have ever stood up to her about much of anything, including her Tampon The predictable outcome has been that she has become more difficult and has almost certainly lost all respect for you. Women play a very stupid game. They fight for dominance, but hate you for allowing them to win. It is a test they are not even aware of. To pass, you must fail to give into their demands and childish behaviors.

      You need to stand up to her around money and Tampo and everything else. Since this has an established dynamic for your entire relationship, it will not be an easy process. But at least this hellish limbo you have created through capitulation will end. She will either choose to behave like an adult or not. If she does not, you need to LEAVE. Never tolerate BS from people, especially your spouse. If she treats you like crap on a regular basis, SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU.

      Tampo is unacceptable. You can work with her over time, but she MUST show genuine remorse and actual change also.

      • Neil says:

        Good and sensible comments my friend. Never give in to Emotional abuse from anybody, Male or Female. As most Men know, we have an amazing capacity to love our Wives and they have an amazing capacity to make us feel like fools. While “TAMPO” isn’t unique to Filipinas, Filipinas have an amazing way of justifying Jealousy and Tampo, “Iv’e been cheated on””No man is honest””you say you love me but you didn’t say so in our last phone call” which Men see as irrational and Physcotic..And it is…Lets call it out for what it is…Filipina or otherwise.. While my experience with a Filipina is limited, my limited experience tells me to run in the other direction..Anyone who lacks rationality/confidence and trust is a big Red Flag, regardless of how beautifully they present themselves. And anyone who needs constant affermation and reassurance that they are more beautiful than the woman standing next to you in the supermarket line is a Phsyco… Cheers Mate

      • Steven says:

        Great observation/advise Jim!

  14. Random says:

    From a Filipina point of view (been randomly browsing and saw this).

    I know some Filipina who have the ”milder” tampo. For me it stems on I am sad about something that my man did, something that maybe is unreasonable or a small thing. Basically what happens is:
    – I know for myself the cause is not a big issue and it is not worth the argument. And that I am trying to understand and get over it. But still I am hurt and I need time to think it over. (In this case it is just silent treatment, not cheery, no affection. Definitely no stomping angry mumbling)

    So on the cases above, best way is to be malambing (definitely not sucking up). Malambing is giving more affection than you normally would. But don’t push her. After she is done thinking, you guys can talk about it and she will say what it is all about. But please, never ignore if it is this kind of tampo, or it can spiral down.

    BUT THEN based on the wife in this article and some of the comments shows the unreasonable childish one. Where real communication is best and I agree with what the article said.

    Thing is, not all tampo are equal. And I disagree that it is all negative. Not all filipina are same, there are mature ones that only have the mild tampo, where if issue is big, she will definitely tell you for sure.

    And note that in the Philippines, tampo is not viewed negatively unless it becomes excessive and unreasonable then on those cases the Filipina is just a being immature

    • Neil says:

      I really like your comments…But!!! There is usually a grown Man at the receiving end of this irrational, childish behavior. And most Grown Men only have a certain amount of tolorence for this Childish Rubbish. She is 47 and i’m 54. So one would expect that the she might have grown up and out this destructive crap.. In my case, the beautiful Filipina that i was in a relationship with until yesterday, was bouncing from one failed relationship to another, and it was “ALL HIS FAULT”..and it’s “ALL MY FAULT”..”TAMPO” is a concept that Western Men don’t care for very much. Western Men like resolution for problems, we understand the problem, and we fix the problem… Not Silence……When in Rome Do What The Romans Do.

  15. Jim M says:

    So nice to see someone call out the childish behavior known as “Tampo”.

    At its core, Tampo is a power move. Sure, it has cultural implications, but in the end, she is testing you to see if she can get her way by acting like a child.

    If you do not challenge this garbage, she will use that tool over and over again. You will also be well on your way to being her bitch. In the end, she will lose respect for you if you allow her to dominate you and allow her to use childish stunts to do so and fail to stand up to her.

    You need to be very clear that Tampo is unacceptable. Call her on her shit. If she persists, I suggest going out of the house and coming home only to sleep until she breaks the stalemate. Make sure she knows that you will be just as cold and distant as she is. Make sure she knows how much it sucks to be on the receiving end of a Tampo. If she does reach out to you, be sure to withhold affection for several hours. Only after this sinks in, let her know that she needed to be shown what it is like to be treated that way. I would not try this right away. Only if Tampo becomes a habit or gets way out of hand should you resort to this, since it might cause a very explosive reaction.

    Never tolerate passive aggressive behavior, especially from someone who claims to love you.

    I have had this a 3 or 4 times with my bride of 2 years. She is slowly learning to communicate instead of withdrawing, but I guess this stuff is hard to change. Filipinas seem to want to avoid direct communication even though the consequences of holding resentments can be severe. They need to understand that the consequences of Tampo are unpleasant.

    After the latest incident, I had a firm discussion about her behavior. During the Tampo, I asked her if something was wrong, so of course she said ‘no’. This is LYING. During the post-Tampo discussion, which included an apology from her and an eventual discussion of the events that led to the Tampo, I told here that she lied to me and that her behavior was painful and hurtful. This is not how you treat someone you love. I have never had to respond to her with Tampo of my own, but I am prepared to do so if she needs to have that experience to understand how hurtful this can be.

    Once you have made all of this clear, and she has let go of her Tampo, be sure to be especially affectionate. Most likely, she will already be doing this. She will understand that her attitude was not so good and will ask forgiveness, which you will give.

    I have seen many people suggest that a man should try to woo her back. This is insanity. You quite literally promote her to the role of alpha and you become weak. You never reward immature, manipulative behavior.

    The end goal is to teach her to skip the Tampo and simply talk about whatever is wrong. This is a much better dynamic for everyone.

    • Neil says:

      Good and sensible comments my friend. Never give in to Emotional abuse from anybody, Male or Female. As most Men know, we have an amazing capacity to love our Wives and they have an amazing capacity to make us feel like fools. While “TAMPO” isn’t unique to Filipinas, Filipinas have an amazing way of justifying Jealousy and Tampo, “Iv’e been cheated on””No man is honest””you say you love me but you didn’t say so in our last phone call” which Men see as irrational and Physcotic..And it is…Lets call it out for what it is…Filipina or otherwise.. While my experience with a Filipina is limited, my limited experience tells me to run in the other direction..Anyone who lacks rationality/confidence and trust is a big Red Flag, regardless of how beautifully they present themselves. And anyone who needs constant affermation and reassurance that they are more beautiful than the woman standing next to you in the supermarket line is a Phsyco… Cheers Mate

  16. Neil says:

    My beautiful Filipina and i have only been together for 3 months and i find the extreme behavior “TAMPO” very upsetting and destructive to our relationship. So much so, iv’e ended our relationship as of yesterday. I’m feeling destroyed and devistated, but i could not cope with the extremes that “TAMPO” brings to my life. Being an Australian Male, we tend to be layed back and casual” what’s the big deal” when even the smallest problems arise. To a Filipina every problem is a big deal and our fault.”TAMPO” is an irrational and destructive behavior that you would not accept from your best friend, let alone a future wife.Once again i’ll say that i’m crushed to have to bring it to a stop..But my own sanity has to come first. If you can cope with “TAMPO”? more power to you. If you can’t? Run! and run fast! it will break your heart.

  17. JL says:

    I live in Hong Kong and have been with my Cebu GF for about 4-5 years. She started living with me

    Every so often she hits me with Tampo. I always hold frame.
    Of course like all women she has zero accountability (and miss me with the “not all women” crap) and her Tampo is my fault.

    When the most recent (and ongoing) tampo fit started, I lost my cool and told her if she was not happy she could leave, I got a long whatsapp message saying she’d move in 5 months.

    I live here, pay all the rent, bills, you name it. To me her tampo is a direct expression of how ungrateful she is and every time she pulls it off and right now, it’s reached the breaking point.

    She wanted to have kids, etc, but seeing how she acts, there’s no way in hell I’m giving her that kind of damocles sword over me. Condoms save lives.

    I’m waiting for this tampo to reach 6-7 days, I’ll check the boarding house prices and pay those 4-5 months of rent but I’m done, she’s pushed me to the limit, she’s out and has only herself to blame but I’ll be the bad guy in the end anyway so I gotta look after myself.

    Women are an extra, not an essential

  18. Gracy says:

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  19. Anonymous says:

    Philippines SUCKS!
    They are the most useless & stupid (shit) country (& their ugly & dirty people).
    Filipinos are scum, dumb morons & gangster assholes.(Ugly government & people)
    All Filipinos must be removed from this face of this planet.
    (P.S.Couples SUCKS!)
    (GO & DIE, Filipinos!)

  20. Baumann says:

    Spanking does the trick. Seriously. Most Filipina girls are disciplined by their mothers and fathers, it’s part of their behavioural language. After a handful of tampos my gf of 2 years went off on a bad one and walked the streets at night. I was frightened and outraged. When she came home I didn’t say a word, just took her by the arm into the bedroom, stripped her butt naked, bent her over my lap and spanked her about 50+ times. She squealed and cried. I didn’t stop till she said sorry. Then we had sex.

    Ever since then I spank her at least once a week for the mildest transgression. She agreed that it is what she and the marriage needs. We have been together now 21 years.

  21. Mr says:

    Would a Filipina use Tampo to get out of a relationship or get what they

  22. JVV says:

    How to handle it when the tampo is caused by wrong perception? Meaning she thinks you as a man did something wrong, and you continue doing it. But in reality, there is nothing wrong with what you do, but she demands you stop. In my case it’s talking to my ex, and there is absolutely no intention for a new romantic involvement, from neither side.

  23. Clark says:

    I divorced my filipina wife that I brought here to the US after 6 years of tampo and the 10,000 saving-face small lies. Absolutely exhausting and relationship crushing. Met a lady dirt poor from the province in Palawan. Absolute heart of gold. It has had its own set of challenges due to her shameless family begging for $ but zero tampo/lies.